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you & i

by earmark

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1.
can i watch 01:41
can i watch the sun set from the front seat of your car? like we used to do after school days in those first few months i don’t know where i’m going but i know it can’t be with you no summer car rides windows open like i always dreamt just half rolled windows in the winter for a cigarette we’re just two human beings we fell in love at the seaside carry me out with the tide my god i tried
2.
i used to kiss her on the forehead we’d waste days in bed and i used to count out her pills before tucking her in i guess you shouldn’t mix lovers and best friends cause now i don’t have either one and i could go on and on about all the ways that i used to know her
3.
graffiti 01:44
from down here it’s so cold without you it’s so cold we both smelled like cigarettes and i can’t forget you lungs tar stained fingers turn yellow as our friendship turns sour new guitar strings new paintbrushes as our love erodes
4.
since you left it’s been cold coffee and cigarettes skin and bone sprawled out on the kitchen floor you’re decorating your christmas tree but not with me not with me not with me not with me not with me i thought your bed was ours but i guess that i was mistaken just like i thought the city would be ours too but now i don’t even wanna go outside for fear of running into you well i’m happy i swear i'm happy yea i’m happy oh i'm happy i swear that i’m happy yea i’m happy i'm happy for you since you left it’s been cold coffee and cigarettes fading memories of the person i became
5.
to the stars 02:19
well my feet ache cause lately i’ve been picking and peeling away the skin in hopes of erasing my footprints and starting all over again all over again all over again heads you win tails i lose heads you win and tails i lose gimme something to stop the blues stop the blues and i wish you would take me to the stars again but even stars fade out even the stars fade out heads you win and tails i lose gimme something to stop the blues
6.
duke 03:59
my mom she asked me “where do you go at night?” i said i gone to bury duke in the backyard but i couldn’t bring myself to dig that hole so i took him out to the sea the same place you used to sit next to me and threw him into the harsh winter waves the moon was indescribable last night and you weren’t there to see it with me you treat me different now but i keep the old you alive inside my head just between you and me i can’t even remember what it was that tore us apart sorry that i had to go and bury your bestfriend i’ve had to bury so many of my own so load your six shooter i’m no cowboy but you had no problems pulling the trigger you had such an easy time leaving so why is it so hard for you to leave my mind so load your six shooter i’m no cowboy but you had no problems pulling the trigger
7.
brooklyn 02:58
today i woke up in a house i’ve never been in before my knees are weak and my back it still is sore dirty clothes in the back seat of my car i don’t even know where the fuck we are oh brooklyn oh brooklyn i’m making excuses not to see friends i’m useless i’m useless this isn’t my house it’s not a home no place to go when i don’t wanna roam no more no more no more dirty clothes in the back seat of my car i don’t even know where the fuck we are oh brooklyn oh brooklyn you’re sitting pretty but i’m all alone this house is quiet it don’t make a sound it’s not a home and yours was the closest thing i ever found it’s not a home and yours was the closest thing i’ve ever known
8.
ebb 05:19
and just like that all the songs that you hated me for listening to they were they were relevant again i spent all of christmas eve driving to all the places in which i wish i could forget sitting there with you i cried under the bride i sang to myself in the back my car why’d you go so far i sat next to a man who said that he’d seen it all i cried in the parking lot off the coffee shop where you promised me we’d come to see the snow fall i wanna go back oh yea oh i miss the city cause everything here just makes me feel shitty cause everything here just makes me feel shitty i miss chicago i miss the midnight train i can’t remember what you felt like anymore your face is a fading canvas colors blurred and running away i miss playing with your hair you don’t love me here or there and just like that all the songs that you hated me for listening to they were they were relevant again i wanna go back oh yea oh i miss the city cause everything here just makes me feel shitty i miss chicago i miss playing with your hair i miss the midnight train you don’t love me here or there
9.
i will cry 03:51
i will bury myself in books to cover up the memory of your smile and green eyed looks i will cry oh i will cry this song is just a bunch of cliché lines and every single word that i write rhymes i will cry oh oh oh oh i will cry i will cry oh oh oh oh i will cry and i know that if you hear this it’ll only make you more certain that we shouldn’t exist but i’m still stuck on those words you stitched into my shirt and if this is right why does it still hurt i keep looking at old pictures of how i used to make you smile i don’t remember the last time i felt worthwhile i will cry oh oh oh oh i will cry i will cry oh oh oh oh i will cry and i’m still stuck on those words you stitched into my shirt and if this is right why does it still hurt
10.
if someone kisses me i know they’ll taste you on my lips cause i can’t stop drinkin and daydreaming about my hands on your hips oh i talk about it out loud the walls, they know the whole story i don’t know why i said that we both know i’m not proud for me the new year was bookended by forgettable alcoholic cheek kisses and thoughts of how i wished wished they’d come from you maybe if i just stay in my bed maybe if i just stay in my bed maybe i’ll forget about all the things you said maybe if i just stay in bed i’ll forget about all those things that we said maybe if i just stay in my bed i’ll forget about all those things that we said that we said all the things that we said
11.
decamping 03:56
i still remember dinner with your parents laying in bed with you after it all happened not sure whether to laugh or cry we went from best friends to exchanging belongings we found at each other’s houses in the old stop and shop parking lot desperation is an ugly color on me but callousness is an ugly shade for you everyone makes me feel sick to my stomach everything makes me feel sick to my stomach i still have the pieces of your blanket it makes me sick
12.
every wednesday and every weekend i take the pink line out to the west side and i’d be lying if i said that you don’t cross my mind i sit on the quiet morning train that carves a path through the city scape running away from the rising sun maybe in the grand scheme of things we weren’t meant to be i wonder if you remember one late summer night we met in the park right next to washington street where i told myself i’d get down on one knee some day we talked for a while it wasn’t long before i made you mad you walked away and left me on the bench alone i got up to follow you but you made it halfway through the crosswalk before they came and took you away exotic boys and girls that sculpt and color white canvas sculpt and color white canvas you made it halfway through the crosswalk before they took you away from me you’ve got your new friends up on state street and they’re much more talented than me maybe in the grand scheme of things we weren’t meant to be i should have kissed you in the park next to washington street where i told myself id get down on one knee maybe in the grand scheme of things we weren’t meant to be maybe in the grand scheme of things we weren’t meant to be
13.
tylenol pm 07:22
you came to me last night i’ll have you know i didn’t make a move i was happy just to have you fill by body’s grooves i’ll have you know i didn’t make a move i was happy just to smile with you yea I was happy just like i always was with you we kissed for maybe an hour i woke up early and took a shower i used the shampoo that smells like you i closed my eyes and i sighed cause every time i shower i think of you and yours explanations i want more so my mouth with poetry of you it pours every time i shower why does everything turn sour when you visit me in my dreams i hope that the other boys you date won’t think you’re cheating on them cause i won’t stop taking tylenol pm i wanna see you in my dreams it’s the only way you’ll talk to me if i wanna see you in my dreams well i’ll do it well i’ll do it when you visit me in my dreams i hope that the other boys you date won’t think you’re cheating on them cause i won’t stop taking tylenol pm
14.
peony 05:53
i wonder if you still have those roses hanging in your bedroom and the picture i developed or did you rip them both to bits or did you rip them both to bits when you got home from the airport i still have the flower i pinned on my collar i am still the same my hands are still stained by soil and flower matter i keep taking showers but my hands still smell like salt water and you maybe that's why i'm so blue you said that you found happiness i guess i’m still struggling with that try as i might i still can’t sleep at night but i won fifty bucks at the casino the other night maybe when the weather clears and the peonies bloom i’ll forget about these new fears sometimes i get sick when i smoke i’m so god damn lonely that i’ve been thinking about cultivating meaningless physical relationships but we both know i can't do that i’m just so god damn lonely because i left my heart at your house somewhere along the line and by the way that was me that stole your street sign
15.
i'm sorry 06:40
i’m sorry i wrote all these songs about you it seems like you’re okay with making small talk now are you just playing it cool are you okay or are you just playing it cool i wonder if you’re in love with somebody else i thought you should know i think about you when i run and i don’t know if i’m running towards you or if i’m running away but either way it makes me go faster i’m sorry i wrote all these songs about you it’s just that ever memory that i’d like to recall is stained with your touch i never want to go home again it hurts to drive on those roads i see you got that sweater you always wanted i keep thinking about high school and driving in your car now we’re here and nine city blocks never felt so far i don’t think you’re awake at four in the morning thinking about this like i am cause it’s been eight months and thirty five weeks two hundred forty three days and when i write about you i mostly just feel like scum i know you’ll find somebody else that makes you cum you’re gone and i’m slipping from my parents too i wanna be skinny i don’t wanna eat i’m retracting into myself and it looks like you haven’t missed a beat i know that we are through i’m sorry i wrote all these songs about you

about

with the exception of track 1, all songs were written, recorded, and mixed between november of 2013 and early march of 2014. i sampled twin peaks, girls, and synecdoche, ny. plz don’t sue me

if you care about this, thanks

credits

released March 15, 2014

shouts out to heartbreak

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earmark Chicago, Illinois

really happy songs for really happy kids

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