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smiles in past tense

by earmark

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    smiles in past tense tapes, limited to 25. duplications done by Ben and Jake at the Stereo Studio. each is a one of a kind handmade tape with side a art by Jaclyn Jermyn and side b art by Airen Belleau. get 'em while they're hot!

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1.
of us 01:47
i was sitting at the bus stop with my hands flat on the bench in hopes that you would come and hold me close again i don't have enough pictures of how we used to be so maybe this song could be like a photograph of us of us
2.
rest my head 01:57
i took deep breaths from yr hair and you drew from the black carpeting fell asleep on yr stomach let me rest my head woke up next morning in my own bed on yr stomach i rest my head woke up next morning and you were dead eighteen years and nothing but bad luck they put yr body in the back of a pickup balled up in a blanket a dose of reality, yea i drank it let me rest my head woke up next morning and you were dead
3.
that's not how it's supposed to be cut yr ties don't even bat yr eyes that's not how it's supposed to be remember that time you loved me?
4.
i find myself getting frustrated over forgetting the quirks of a body i studied like flash cards for the big test it seems you've found another cadaver to poke next but i can still recall: favorite color and choice dates, preferred flower and fragrance i've got bits and pieces of you tucked away all evidence, where's the real thing i don't cross yr mind i swear you slept in my bed well gimme a clue, it's such a drag to still love you
5.
i know 01:20
i know that you don't really want to go out for coffee but you say it you say it anyway don't be so quick to give out pieces of yrself cause sooner or later yr gonna run out yea sooner or later, yr gonna run out
6.
see you next semester see you never my head always hurts i stay quiet it's not worth it see you next semester see you never
7.
go home 02:52
scotch tape and cheap paper towels stained red i swear i'm fucked up in the head meet me in the park don't touch me you need to go home i need to go home meet me in the park keep touching me no, don't go home i don't wanna go home scotch tape and cheap paper towels stained red i swear i'm fucked up in the head
8.
gold star 02:48
you were the sea and i'm a little rowboat be gentle on my cracks i've never been relaxed foggy nights on docks in yr lap be gentle on my cracks i've never been relaxed the riptide came so close to the shore don't wanna think about you anymore you were my sea and i'm a little rowboat bang me up against the pilings be gentle on my cracks i've never been relaxed
9.
rt 9 02:00
driving down rt 9 four hours past midnight endless black a time warp swallowing us both and we were happy to let go got to yr house at five am i'm so glad it's over yea me too smiles in past tense happiness is an invention and i'm still trying to get the patents for smiles in past tense happiness is an invention and i'm still trying to get the patents
10.
on the nineteenth floor nineteen years old i look at the lights and forget about our fights no that's okay i leave the party early anyway the subway is dripping don't remember the last time my heart started skipping when the blue line comes down the tunnel and hits my face with cold damp wind i guess i still wonder if i loved you if i loved you better than him
11.
thought i saw you turns out i was wrong i wonder why yr at that cross street and i can't stop thinkin about the possibilities of who yr with or if they treat you like they should then i realize that i'm somewhere too and you don't ask the same question i do now we're just old ex bestfriends we've traded hopes and dreams and everything between for sporadic talks about this and that and the weather
12.
mask me 02:53
i wonder if you mask me cover me up just like a bruise and does yr mommy miss me at the kitchen table on saturday mornings and do you miss me crawling over you to get out of bed and all i got is flowers and synapses turned sour yea all i got is flowers no flower girl i wonder if you mask me cover me up just like a bruise but like those saturdays you can't was me away i wonder if you mask me cover me up just like a bruise
13.
my head is full of memories vague outlines of things i can't pinpoint i guess i'm still stuck in the clouds i still get nervous around big crowds i wonder if yr truths were absolute just like three is nine's square root reality smooths itself out a far cry from my expectations but my head is still so full so full of you and i guess reality smooths itself out

about

all songs written, recorded, and mixed by jake collings
written between march-may of 2014
recorded sporadically between 6.1.14 and 8.12.14
mixed between 8.13.14 and 8.20.14
mastered by hilario vaquero at six-o-six studios in chicago, il
cover art by masalah baskin

credits

released September 1, 2014

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earmark Chicago, Illinois

really happy songs for really happy kids

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